Bryan's Rice-Boy Classic Hall of Shame

Here I have put together the old favorites of the Hall of Shame, with some updates, and also some rescans of some images. Some of these pictures go back to 1996, and you can really see how much rice style has changed in the years since.

It's amazing what people with not-so-fast cars will do to make their cars look fast. Personally, I just think they look stupid.

Of course, there are those people that really do make their cars faster. And there are those guys who really want to make their cars look good. But this page isn't about those guys... it's about Rice-Boy.

So here are some examples of sheer stupidity and failed cleverness, for your viewing pleasure.

The "Best Visibility Award" Winning Accord

When you're driving next to this guy on the freeway at night, you don't even need to turn on your headlights! Yes, fog lights are normal on a Rice Rocket, but this Rice-Boy has to learn the limit -- count 'em... there are eight fog lights plus regular headlights on this car! TEN LIGHTS!!

Rear View of the Ten-Light Accord

Here is a rear view of this old-Accord speed machine. Let me call your attention to these fine points:

This car has two VTEC stickers! Uh... what year is this car again? Never mind that VTEC wasn't even invented yet when this car was in production... the sticker still increases performance... I guess...

  1. Integra VTEC plaque
  2. Prelude VTEC sticker
  3. The all-important 4 inch exhaust tip
  4. Fuba -- better radio reception makes you go faster I guess...
Also notice the racing stripes. Those make a car extra fast.

Since this car was first featured on the Rice-Boy Page as part of the original Hall of Shame, more stickers appeared (two "tuned by Razo" stickers, we all know how great those pedals and shift knobs are at tuning a car). But then, all those stickers disappeared. So did the racing stripes. It actually looks sort of decent now. Is it possible that this page has reached out to one young man and changed his ways?

The "Why Did He Do That?" Award Winning Toyota Camry

Here is the high performace racing machine from "Nocturnal Racing". A Toyota Camry LE! Oh boy. This car isn't even the 2-door coupe -- this is the real thing! The 4-door family car! And it's not even a V6! But that's ok. This car is still fast... just look at the long list of performance features!

  1. "Nocturnal Racing" banner across windshield. Looking like you're in a racing crew makes your car go faster
  2. "Nocturnal Racing" logo vinyl-taped to the hood
  3. PIAA lights -- better visibility for the added speed
  4. 4" exhaust tip
  5. Super Spoiler -- the ultimate performance upgrade. Not only does it make your car look faster, it hinders your rearward visibility too!
This guy must do all of his racing at night (hence, the name, Noctournal Racing). I would -- I would be afraid someone might actually realize that my car isn't a performance car and laugh. At least his kids won't be late for school -- or at least they won't look like they'd be late for school.

Turbo Eclipse Look-Alike

Particularly in the older days of riciness, rice-boys would try to make their cars look like one of a higher trim level than they actually have.

From the outside, there are a few ways to distinguish between the different trim levels of the Mitsubishi Eclipse before the current update:

We have pictured here a GS trim level Eclipse, trying to look like a turbo. Or it may even be a really ambitious RS model owner we are talking about here.

He has done a couple of things to make his car look like a turbo model, like changing the wheels to Nissan "Z" wheels, to get rid of the telltale GS or RS rims and painting the bottom of the body panels grey. If this was an RS model (I didn't bother to look inside for power locks and windows), he added the body kit, probably from a GS.

So how do we know it's not really a turbo? Well, most turbo owners don't change their rims, unless they change to really nice ones, which these are not. And there is still one factor he overlooked: The muffler. The muffler pictured here is from the RS and GS trim levels. Turbo models come with mufflers that have dual tips.

I don't understand why rice-boys try to change their GS's into GS-T's, and their DX and LX's into EX models... why don't they use the money they would have spent on stock rims and other pieces on actually buying the better car?? After all, the only people that will really care about which trim model they have can probably tell the difference anyway!

Rise-Boyz Kan't Speell

It is not uncommon for today's Civic owners to proclaim the fact that their cars have "VTEC" engines in them with various stickers and such, but this guy has gone a bit overboard.

At the top of his windshield, he has a very large banner that proudly advertises what he has under the hood.

But look closer. It says: V-TEK. Everywhere I've checked, Honda hasn't changed the spelling yet. Hmmm. Maybe it's the name of this guy's racing crew. Only, that would be even dumber- name your club after something that's spelled wrong? And even if they did purposely spell it wrong, it still looks like they didn't. At any rate, it just looks dumb. At least spell it right, you know??

Some people have written to me complaining to me about how I need to check my information because "V-TEK" is a company that makes spark plug wires and such. These people need to check their own information. The company's name is "ViTek", not "V-TEK". Anyway, I am fairly sure that this photograph predates "ViTek".

This guy is missing his corner lights. Did he once have clear-corner lights (another fad I don't exactly understand) and have them stolen (pretty common thing to happen), or did he just take his off to make it look like he had clear corners and then got them stolen?? Hmmm...

Other features of this car which are not pictured here are:

Integra Type-R?

Ever since Honda released the much acclaimed Integra Type-R, it has seemed like every Integra out there these days thinks that putting that sticker on their car will make their car handle like the real Type-R!

Some people ask me "how do you know it's not a real Type-R?" and for one thing there are only about 500 of these cars destined for U.S. shores... and for another thing... this car is the previous generation Integra!!

Another issue a lot of people raise is "how do you know he doesn't have a Type-R engine in there?" Well maybe he does, but we all know that there is much more that separates the Integra Type-R from the others than just the engine. Even if he has the Type-R engine (highly doubtful), it's still just a regular Integra with a Type-R engine, not a real Type-R!

The Infamous Type-R Sticker

Yes, that is a Type-R sticker on the back of this second generation Integra. Does this guy really think that anyone will believe that this (red, older) Integra is a Type-R? Does this guy really feel like his car goes faster with it on there? Does he really think this car looks better when the whole world knows that it is an imposter? Enquiring minds want to know!

Powered by Acura?

Here is another sticker on this Integra that has always made me wonder... "Powered by Acura"?? Acura doesn't make engines. Acura isn't even a car manufacturer. Acura is just a front end for a luxury division of Honda. Don't believe me? Pop open the hood and see the big "H" logo on the cylinder head...

"Identity Crisis Geo"

No, not all Rice-Boys drive Hondas... but in this case, it would seem that all Rice-Boys want Hondas. Aside from the pretty-common windshield banner, and other various stickers, it's a little hard to see here, but right in front of the driver's side door is a little sticker... and this sticker says "MUGEN". Now correct me if I am wrong, but MUGEN only makes parts for Honda, right? Or at any rate, they don't make anything for the Geo Prism... But the identity crisis doesn't stop there...

Geo Type-R?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a "Type-R" sticker on the trunk lid of this Geo! I always thought that Geo was the economy car division of GM... not the performance car division! Has this Type-R craze gone to far? I think so!

Really Fast Hyundai

If the stories I've heard about this car are true, then this car is actually seen at races often, and has NOS underhood... and doesn't really classify as a Rice-Rocket. However, I thought the stories I heard were pretty funny so I wanted to share them with the world. I've heard that the driver knows that this car is not very fast (even with NOS) but it is faster than most Civics out there. So what's with the giant HYUNDAI on the side of the car? Well, when he does win races, he wants the whole world (especially the opposing driver) to know that they just got burned by a Hyundai!!!

Last Modified 9/29/98.

Questions? Comments? Got a Rice-Boy story of your own?
Please fill out the Rice-Boy Response Form .

The term "Rice-Boy" is not meant to be a racially derogatory term. It just reflects the fact that most of these types of cars are owned by Asians and that they are all Japanese made cars. I myself an an Asian, and I still think these guys are dumb. It's not about race -- it's about attitude.