Bryan's Rice-Boy Hall of Shame Vol. 10

Now that the fan base of this site has grown so large, I don't even really have to go out looking for rice-boys to take pictures of. But actually, sifting through the literally thousands of pictures I get in the mail can be pretty time consuming.

So I finally got off my lazy ass and put together this new Hall of Shame. My God, are we really up to #10? Well then again, I suppose it would be up to about #50 if I actually updated this site as often as I should! Well anyway, enjoy!

The Exciting World of Downforce

Wings and spoilers have been around for quite some time in the import performance world... but these guys... are the cream of the crop.

The Adventures of Rice-Boy And His Dog Mugen?

When I first drew the Adventures of Rice-Boy comic strip, I drew a civic with a supra-style spoiler that was taller than the roof of the car. I didn't actually think that wings like that would someday actually exist... oh well...

More Is Better

Many rice-boys subscribe to the "more is better" theory. More stickers is better. More inches of wheel diameter is better. And when it comes to downforce? Well more wings are better! This guy has a roof spoiler and a spoiler at the base of the rear window with a super-touring style wing stacked on top!

Never mind the fact that all this downforce is probably lifting the front wheels off the ground... effectively REDUCING traction on the drive wheels which are in the front! Hey, downforce is good, but it needs to be balanced!! Maybe he should take some lessons from the next guy...

The Pikes Peak Look

This photograph was taken in Arizona at an import racing event. It was taken by a guy who owns a major import performance part company which will remain unnamed, as I am sure he doesn't want his rice-boy clientelle to know that he thinks they are as ridiculous as I do.

Anyway, at least this guy has that front chin spoiler/splitter and that weird wing on the hood to balance out all the downforce from that gigantic wing in the back. It's good he has all those lights in the front, because with that big "PROBE" windshield banner blocking half of the windshield, he is going to need all the visibility he can get!

And how do I know that this car is slow? I don't. But I figure that the owner of one of the most popular import performance companies wouldn't have taken this picture unless he really thought it was worth it.

Do-It Yourself Downforce

Have you spent all your money on wheels, exhaust, pro-stock hoods and wide-body kits? Has filling in your tail lights with bondo and putting Supra lights in your bumper left you with no cash left over for a nice wing? No problem! Just build your own out of sheet metal, like this Prelude owner from the bay area!

It's even better if you make it so that the wing tilts upwards like this guy. That way the wing will actually lift the tail end of your car up when you travel at high speeds. Or maybe lifting the tail end of the car up tilts the front end of the car down, to get more weight over the front wheels?

J-Body Attack!

Cavaliers and Sunfires. GM J-Bodies are probably the fastest growing segment of the rice-boy market today. Just look around some J-body message boards. Many of them claim that they burn Z28's and Mustangs after only mild bolt-on modifications. One guy has even claimed to be beating Vipers on a regular basis... with no forced induction, of course. Not only do they seem to have a skewed sense of performance, J-Body Rice-Boys also seem to be the segment of the rice-boy population with the least sense of style. Just look at the Erotic Wayz Cavalier from the previous Hall of Shame, and these two examples here:

Don't Forget My Name

"Chris" at the University of Central Florida sent me this beauty. I really hope that this is a factory color because if this guy actually paid money to paint his car this color...

In case you couldn't tell already, this car is a Sunfire. But just in case, that windshield banner (it matches the color of the body even. How nice.) will let you know. And I guess this car is nuclear powered or something cuz it's got that little atom logo in the front.

Pointiac Racing, baby!

And should you forget who makes the Sunfire, the real, authentic, "Pontiac Racing" sticker is a good reminder.

Also notice those stylish chrome wheels... hey wait a minute... are those hubcaps!?... and are those fake brake rotors attatched to the hubcaps??

Altered Perceptionz, eh?

It seems that this guy has some "altered perceptionz" about the Chevy Cavalier. I am sure that the huge snorkel box is there because there is a supercharger or ram-air system under that hood. Gosh, it's just so intimidating looking on such a muscular car. To complete the "aggressive" look, you should block your headlights, that way you can drive safely at night. Good thing he has those foglights as auxiliary lighting!!

Rear View

Of course, all that extra air entering through the hood scoop has to exit somewhere, so why not get a "dual" exhaust system for your 4 cylinder car? Judging by the RK Sport sticker on the door, I'd say that's where this exhaust system came from. I heard from someone that the "R" in RK Sport stands for rice. I don't know if that's true or not.

With all that extra power you get from your non-functional hood scoop and "dual" exhaust, you'll want some downforce. And what better to use than the tried-and-tested supra-style wing!

And that big Chevy bow-tie lets people know that they just got burned by thundering Chevy power!

Exotic Rice

F355... Turbo!?

I took a lot of shit for putting up a picture of a Lamborghini Diablo SV. Maybe I will get some more for this. But this is much more blatant rice.

Some guys saw this car in the bay area and thought... wow man, a turbo on an F355? That sounds great!! But after some coercing, the owner of this Ferrari opened up the engine compartment... lack of turbo verified.

I don't know why you would want to defile the wonderful reputation and style of the F355 with a turbo badge from a Porsche... especially when you don't even have a turbo!! Nothing against Porsche, of course.

Well that's about it. Oh. I've been receiving A LOT of e-mail pointing me to a Civic Del Sol with a serious identity crisis. I'm posting a link here. It's got it's own page already, so I don't need to include it myself. Please stop e-mailing me with this link, thank you. You can find it at

Also, for your listening pleasure, I found this on the web somewhere, but I can't remember where. I converted it into an MP3 for easier distribution. Click here to experience "Got Rice" The Song.

Last Modified 10/8/99.

Questions? Comments? Got a Rice-Boy story of your own?
Please fill out the Rice-Boy Response Form.

The term "Rice-Boy" is not meant to be a racially derogatory term. It just reflects the fact that most of these types of cars are owned by Asians and that they are all Japanese made cars. I myself am an Asian, and I still think these guys are dumb. It's not about race -- it's about attitude.