Bryan's Rice-Boy Hall of Shame Vol. 5

Here are some more examples of things you should not do to your car if you are trying to be cool!

"Identity Crisis Hatchback"

Ok what this rice-boy has done is a pretty common thing to do... put the badges of a different trim level of his car on his car. But this guy has gone overboard!! First of all, I am about 99.99% sure that this car is not an SiR. OK, it is an Si, but America never got the SiR!!. So why go around driving with the letters all over the side of his car? Who does he think he is fooling? I am starting to wonder if chicks actually do dig this look...

Super Touring Neon?

There are a lot of things that don't seem to match on this car. Across the windshield and above this guy's racing number are the words "Super Touring". I thought Dodge's super touring cars were Stratus cars... at any rate, look at his rims. A popular things for drag racers to do is put on slicks on stock wheels for the drive wheels. Stock rims are cheap, and the extra sidewall helps with the launch, right? So what is a "super touring" car doing at a drag strip anyway? I have a feeling that this guy just couldn't afford a complete set of rims and tires.

On the other side of the car, there is a giant sticker (covers the rear half of the right side) that says "THRUST" as well as some "sponsor" stickers. A closer inspection of the interior of the car revealed an oversized tach on the dash with shiftlight (which I also thought was drag racing equipment), several switches and lights, and this...

The Neon's Disclaimer

Within the gutted interior of this super-touring, drag racing neon, in place of the rear seats was this sign. It reads "THIS VEHICLE HAS NEVER BEEN EQUIPPED WITH NITROUS OXIDE SYSTEM (NOS)". Hmmm.

Got NOS?

Yes, this car actually does have NOS installed, I saw the bottle with my own two eyes. I just put it here because I thought the humor of the sticker was worth having other people see. Oh yes, and I thought it was fitting to put it right after the Neon that has never had NOS. So in case any of you guys ever see this car driving around... it's not your average CRX.

"Almost-Cool Eclipse"

This Eclipse, though it has the huge spoiler, I think, almost looks good. So why don't I say it does? Here is why...

Spyder Means No Roof, You Moron!

Yup, here is a really good example of a guy using the wrong badging on his car. Really wrong badging! He proclaims this car as being a "Spyder". But wait a minute... I thought the Eclipse Spyder was a convertible model! That sure doesn't look like a convertible top to me! Why did he put that sign on there? Can someone tell me please!?

Just Another Fake Type-R Badge?

This car may look like a regular rice-boy with it's VTEC sticker and fake Type-R stuff. But there are a couple of really sad things about this car. The first thing is that this car is so new that it doesn't even have license plates yet, and it has already suffered the abuse of stupid stickers. Wanna know what's worse? Look in the side window... it says...

Powered by Vietnam?

I thought "Powered By Acura" was bad, but powered by Vietnam?? Since when did Vietnam start making engines? And is that supposed to be a Honda symbol with a V in it on the left side?? What's next? Powered by Ph—?

Another Identity Crisis Integra

Oh boy. Another Integra Type-R. But I thought the Integra Type-R is based on the 3rd generation Integra... Oh yes, also note the foreign language stickers on the left side under the light pod. This is another example of a popular thing for rice-boys to put on their cars that I haven't yet talked about. This one says "Honda".

Yet another Type-R Wannabe

The first thing that should tip you off that this is not a real Integra Type-R is the fact that it is BLACK. Real ones only come in a sort of pearl color, that I am not even sure any other Acura car has. So who does this guy think he is fooling putting that giant sticker on the side of his car? He's not fooling me, but he sure is making a fool out of himself! How much did he pay for that sticker anyway? With all the money he spent on stickers, he probably could have gotten himself some floormats or something.

Hey, I went to Import Showoff (basically a Rice-Boy convention), and there was a guy there at the show with a real Type-R Integra. It is a sad world we live in though. Everyone who looked at it automatically assumed it was a fake, and started looking for something that would give it away. So this guy put his Acura dealer window sticker on his car to prove that it was real! It's the multitudes of fakes like this one and the one before it that forced that guy to have to do that...

Last Modified 10/07/97.

Questions? Comments? Got a Rice-Boy story of your own?
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The term "Rice-Boy" is not meant to be a racially derogatory term. It just reflects the fact that most of these types of cars are owned by Asians and that they are all Japanese made cars. I myself am an Asian, and I still think these guys are dumb. It's not about race -- it's about attitude.