Bryan's Rice-Boy Hall of Shame Vol. 9

Run for your lives! It's DOMESTIC RICE!

This edition of the Hall of Shame brings you some examples of domestic rice, and I think these examples will prove once and for all that domestic car owners are not immune to the Rice-Boy disease!

I've also featured some new contenders for the "Best Visibility Award" that was first handed out in the very first Hall of Shame. I think everyone will agree that these guys blow that Accord out of the water!

Chevy 400SS Truck?

This is a mid 80's Chevy Silverado truck that thinks it is something that it is not. Not only is it painted bright yellow, it's got a super spoiler across the truck bed, reducing this truck's utility, I am sure.

But the real kicker are those letters painted on the back. It they say "400 SS". And they look like they were hand painted or something! And in the style of the lettering on the back of Chevy's 454 SS truck which came out a few years ago. But there was no truck of this generation made with the "SS" designation, as far as I know!!


Hmmm. I don't really know what to say about this car. I mean, I'm still in shock. It's not really ricey, per se, but... well I don't know. It's just so tacky that I just had to put it up here! That yellow grill just matches so perfectly with the rest of the car! Well, I guess it matches the single wiper conversion and the wind deflector in the window...

This guy must not be very concerned with forward visibility, however. Look how there is a banner across the top of the windshield, blocking his view... and on top of that, look at those headlight covers! How much light passes through those minuscule openings? Maybe he wishes he had some projector lamps or something. And what's with those thin yellow stripes next to the black racing stripes?

The Rear 3/4 View

We've got even more high style in the back! 15" 3-spoke wheels are always very stylish. And who needs lights in the back? Just cover them up! It's not like anyone needs to see your brake or signal lights anyway. And what does it say on the side, in the middle of that fat black stripe? "Erotic WayZ"? Erotic ways!? Damn, this car is so erotic, I bet all the girls just come flocking to him, especially with that sexy, stylish, wavy radio antenna!

If this is the way he matches colors on his car... I'd hate to see what kind of colors this guy wears!

Domestic "Best Visibility Award" Candidate

This guy has so many "sponsors" he looks like he belongs on the Winston Cup circuit. He's very proud of his Toyo Tires and his Intrax Springs. Since he is a true racer, he also has his racing stripes, but to be original, they are offset.

So why did I say he's a candidate for the "Best Visibility Award"? Well...

Do We Have a Winner?

I was wrong! He's not on the Winston Cup circuit, he's running in the World Rally Championship... or at least, he has the lighting he needs to tackle it! This guy also has the single wiper conversion, and the wiper must always be half way up and painted a bright color so that it blocks your vision and so that everyone knows you got it! What would be the point if no one knew you had it anyway?

Not only does he have those two huge lights, but he also has two smaller driving lamps. And in case you thought this "Escort" was built by Ferrari (because something this fast and this good looking must be Italian!), the gigantic "FORD" blue oval on the hood will remind you that this car was made in the good ol' U.S. of A.!

The NEW "Best Visibility" Champion!

I've only seen this amount of lighting on baja off road trucks and on World Rally Championship cars... except even those WRC guys take those extra lights off when they are driving around in the day... this guy has them on all the time!

Where does this guy drive around that he needs so much lighting? Well whatever reason he has for these lights, he sure kicks that Accord's (from the original Hall of Shame) ass in the lighting department.

The Honorable Mention

Maybe instead of the "Best Visibility" award, this Corolla should be up for the "Most Visible" award. This guy also has the single wiper conversion. I'm not exactly sure what on this guy's car is made by 5zigen, but whatever it is, I am pretty sure it doesn't warrant that huge sticker, and I will bet you that he isn't sponsored!

You've got windshield banners, you've got super spoilers, you've got the super-touring style front spoiler... and you've got that neon colored whatever it is all over the car, to warn you that the thundering, pavement-pounding 120 horsepower of this Corolla is coming up at you!

Blazing Grocery Getter?

This is the "NEU-ERA" Toyota Camry. It features such performance upgrades, such as stickers, a super spoiler, diagonal yellow stripes, fog lights, cheap aftermarket wheels, and fog lamps, all of which add up to some serious power!

So much power in fact, that this guy posts up an incredible dial-in time of 18.8 seconds! This guy must be burning Geo Metros left and right!

Last Modified 3/4/99.

Questions? Comments? Got a Rice-Boy story of your own?
Please fill out the Rice-Boy Response Form.

The term "Rice-Boy" is not meant to be a racially derogatory term. It just reflects the fact that most of these types of cars are owned by Asians and that they are all Japanese made cars. I myself am an Asian, and I still think these guys are dumb. It's not about race -- it's about attitude.